Mail Order Maternity (Brides of Beckham) Page 7

  “Has the bleeding stopped?”

  Esther nodded. “It has. I’m sure I could work again. There’s no need for me to sit around doing nothing.”

  MaryAnn looked at Esther. “Mama said you’d say that. She said to tell you if you wanted to have a baby in six months, you needed to take it easy now.” She spooned up another bite of the beans as she watched Esther.

  Esther made a face. “I guess tomorrow I’ll start sewing clothes for the baby. I have nothing else to do.”

  “I could help you make a quilt for him,” MaryAnn offered.

  Esther smiled. “That would be nice. I’d love to have something to do with someone else. Sitting around watching you clean all the time is lonely work.” Before she’d left Beckham, her mother had given her some scraps of fabric to use for a quilt for the baby, but she hadn’t had time to do anything with them. She was happy she wouldn’t be sewing by herself. When she’d married Charlie, she’d been alone most of the time, but it hadn’t bothered her. Maybe because she knew she could walk to her parents’ house whenever she wanted. Here, she felt isolated from the world. She needed to learn how to get to Samuel and Victoria’s house so she could go visit whenever she wanted.

  The next day passed quickly as she and MaryAnn spent the entire day sewing together, other than quick breaks while MaryAnn cooked the meals. Esther was impressed with the girl’s domestic skills and hoped that someday she’d have a daughter to teach how to cook and sew. She genuinely enjoyed the time she spent with her new niece.

  She was a lot more animated at dinner that night, still eating more than she’d eaten when she first arrived. It seemed as if her morning sickness was finally over and she had more energy as well. She was excited that she’d be able to do everything for herself again in a few days.

  By the time Victoria came at the end of the week, she felt as if she’d accomplished a great deal toward getting the house ready for a baby. She had several small outfits made, and two quilts, plus the small blanket she had finished the day MaryAnn was first there.

  Victoria examined her and smiled. “You’re as good as new. You can go back to doing anything you feel up to doing.”

  Esther was relieved. She’d felt like she wasn’t holding up her end of the bargain by not engaging in relations with Thomas. He hadn’t said anything, but she’d known he wanted more from her than she was able to give.

  Victoria stayed for a while and visited after the exam. MaryAnn made them tea and cookies, and they munched on them while Victoria talked about the difficulties of living on a homestead.

  “Where’s the nearest town? I need more flour and sugar before the week is up.” Esther hadn’t seen any town between Lindsborg and the homestead.

  Victoria laughed. “Remember the town where the train brought you? That’s our closest town.”

  Esther blinked. “How can I get sugar and flour, then?”

  “Someone from the church goes into town at least once a week. We take turns. This week is our turn. Just make a list of what you need and I’ll pick it up while I’m in town. I’ll get all the letters for everyone as well. We go that often for mail more than for supplies.”

  “I haven’t been to church yet. What’s it like?” Esther hadn’t noticed a church in the area, but since she’d never left the homestead after her arrival that wasn’t surprising.

  “We take turns having it in different homes. This week is your turn, come to think of it. There are only four families, so it’s not a big deal. If you’d like, I can take your turn and you can take mine next week.”

  Esther shook her head. “You’ve done enough for me. I can handle it. Do I fix lunch for everyone afterward?” She liked the idea of hosting a big group, but wasn’t sure she was up to cooking for them all.

  “No, everyone brings a dish and we all help clean up after the meal.”

  “Okay. I can handle that. Is there something special I provide as the host?” Esther wanted to make a good impression on the other ladies who would be the only people she would see for months on end.

  “No, not at all. Just fix enough for you and Thomas. Everyone fixes enough for their family to eat, and then we all share. I’ll be sure to bring extra in case you don’t feel up to cooking. You’ll provide coffee and any other drinks.”

  “I’m fine. I’ve felt up to cooking for days but MaryAnn wouldn’t let me.”

  Victoria smiled at her daughter fondly. “She was following orders and it sounds like she did a good job.” She stood up. “If you’ll get that list ready for me, I’ll go ahead and go. I need to get dinner ready for my family.”

  Esther quickly wrote a list on a slip of paper and handed it to Victoria. She’d enjoyed MaryAnn’s company but would be happy to have her home to herself again. “Thanks for getting it for me.”

  “It’s no problem. It’ll be your turn soon enough.”

  “I should feel up to it soon.”

  Esther stood at the door as she watched them go, missing MaryAnn already. She went to the kitchen and fixed a light meal, whipping up a cake to go with it. She’d discovered that Thomas hadn’t exaggerated his love of sweets, and she was happy to keep him content with his favorite foods.

  When Thomas came in from the fields for dinner and saw Esther standing at the work table frosting a cake, his heart jumped. She was really better. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m glad you’re doing better.”

  She turned to him and smiled, a little startled by the open display of affection. “I’m just glad the baby’s okay.”

  “I haven’t met the baby yet. You’re the one I was worried about.”

  “I made you a cake.”

  “I see that. Thank you.” He dropped a quick kiss on her lips. “I’m glad you felt up to it.”

  “I’ve been cleared for all activities,” she told him with a slight blush.

  He shook his head. “I’m not risking the baby. I can wait until after he’s born.”

  “No, there’s no need. Victoria said it was fine.”

  He shrugged. “I’m still waiting. I’m not going to put you or our baby at risk.”

  She blinked at his use of the word “our” with regard to the baby. Did he really think of the baby as his own? “I appreciate that, but there’s really no need to worry about it.” Why was she arguing with him? Did she want to have relations? “Sit down. I’ll have supper on the table in a minute.”

  He sat down at his regular place and she put his plate in front of him. He took her hand and held it tightly while he prayed for them, thanking God for keeping the baby safe, and praying that Esther’s pregnancy would continue to be a safe one.

  After the dishes were done that evening, she took the things she and MaryAnn had made and put them away in the nursery. She was thankful for the time she’d had to work on them, but wished she had been able to keep up with her other chores at the same time.

  Thomas went looking for her and found her in the nursery, lovingly stroking the quilt she’d made. “Are you sleeping in here?” he asked surprised.

  She shook her head. “No, I’m sleeping with my husband. Just putting the baby’s things away.” She picked up the lantern from the dresser and carried it into the bedroom they shared. She’d only slept in the nursery the first night she was there, and she was surprised he’d think she wanted to sleep there again. She blew out the lantern, undressed, and pulled her nightgown over her head, climbing into bed beside him.

  She immediately slipped into his arms, where she’d slept for the past week. When he gave her a quick kiss and pulled away, she followed him, kissing him again and letting him know she’d be amenable to making love with him. He pulled back. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t hurt me. Victoria said everything was fine.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not risking it.” He held her close as he closed his eyes and fell swiftly to sleep.

  She lay beside him, annoyed at his attitude. She’d offered to make love with him and he wasn�
��t interested? What kind of marriage was she in?

  She rolled to her side of the bed, making sure there was room between them. If he didn’t want to touch her, then she didn’t want to touch him. There were tears on her pillow when she finally fell asleep.

  *****

  As the week wore on, Esther felt like she and Thomas were growing further and further apart. He’d kiss her and hug her as long as they weren’t in bed together, but as soon as they slipped between the sheets, he’d give her one quick kiss and tell her goodnight. She couldn’t understand why he was being so distant from her. They knew it was okay to make love, so why wouldn’t he touch her?

  *****

  Thomas stood in the field staring off into space. He should have been weeding his wheat field, but he was going crazy instead. Every time he closed his eyes, he’d see his beautiful willing wife. Every night, he pretended to fall asleep so she’d move away from him. He stared up at the ceiling almost all night long burning with frustration. Something had to give. She made it very clear she was willing, pressing herself against him and kissing him. But it wouldn’t be right for him to risk the baby.

  He thought about riding over to talk to Samuel, but he didn’t think his brother would want to hear his complaints. He had to figure out what to do. He wouldn’t risk his wife, but he was about to burn up with sexual frustration.

  *****

  Esther was nervous. Church services would be held at their house that week, and her house wasn’t perfect. Every time she washed the windows, a bug would land on them and mess them up and she’d have to wash them all over again. She’d made chicken and dumplings and a cake for dessert to share with the others, but what if no one liked her cooking?

  She felt like a failure. Her house wasn’t perfect, and it should be. And her own husband didn’t want to touch her. Would she ever be good enough at anything?

  That evening when Thomas walked in the door for supper, she was sitting at the table crying. He rushed to her side. “Is it the baby? Are you bleeding again?” The panic emanating from him was almost something she could touch.

  She shook her head and cried all the harder. “What’s wrong then?”

  “Bugs keep flying into my clean windows, and you don’t want to touch me!” she sobbed.

  “What do bugs have to do with anything? And of course I want to touch you.” He pulled her to her feet and held her close. “Tell me what’s happening with the bugs first.”

  She sniffled. “I keep washing the windows and then bugs fly into them. It’s making me crazy. I don’t know how to make them stop, but the windows have to be perfect for when everyone comes for church service in the morning.”

  “Why do they have to be perfect?”

  She stared at him in disbelief. Did he really not understand? “This is my only chance to make a good first impression on the ladies in the church. If the house is a mess, I won’t make a good first impression.” She swiped at the tears under her eyes, stunned for a moment that he wouldn’t understand immediately.

  “You think you’ll make a bad impression if bugs make marks on the windows?”

  She nodded. “Of course I will.”

  He sighed. “All the ladies who go to church with us live in this part of Kansas as well. They know that the bugs fly into the windows because it happens at their houses. No one can get rid of them. It’s just a fact of life here.”

  “They have bug prints on their windows?” She swiped away the tears with her apron.

  “I’ve never noticed, but I’m sure they do. There’s no way not to have bug prints on windows in Kansas.” He stroked her hair. “Now, what’s this about me not wanting to touch you?”

  She felt the tears spring to her eyes all over again. “You never try to touch me anymore. When we first got married, I thought you were interested in me physically, but now you never touch me.”

  “I don’t touch you because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you or the baby if I do. The only time we had relations, the next day you started bleeding.”

  She shook her head. “That’s not why!”

  “Why did it happen then?”

  “Because I was running through the fields looking for you when I couldn’t find you. I thought you were dead, and I ran and I shouldn’t have.”

  “Why do you think that’s why you were bleeding?”

  “Because Victoria said that’s probably what caused it. She said she’d seen it happen before that women did too much physical stuff and it caused them to start bleeding. It’s not a big deal, and I should just be careful not to run anymore.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You didn’t ask!”

  He sighed. “If that’s really why you were bleeding, then of course I want to make love to you.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “I’ve been lying awake half the night trying to make myself forget you were lying beside me.” His hands roamed down and cupped her bottom.

  “So tonight you’ll make love to me?”

  He swallowed hard. “Yes, I will. If you’re sure it won’t hurt you.”

  “I’m sure.” She looked over at the window. “Are you sure you can’t see the bug spots and no one will judge me because my windows aren’t shiny?”

  He laughed. “As long as the dishes are done, no one will say a word. They all know you’re a new wife and you’re pregnant.”

  She blinked. “Everyone knows I’m pregnant?”

  “Victoria told everyone last week why we weren’t there. Does that bother you?”

  She shook her head, but looked down. “I guess not.”

  “Why would it bother you? You were married. You told me you were pregnant. I still wanted you to come. It’s not like you hid it from me.”

  She sighed. “I just feel like I’ve done something wrong is all. I wish everyone thought the baby was yours.”

  “The baby is mine now. I’m its father the same as I’m your husband. He’ll never know any other man as his father.”

  “Will you tell him he’s not really yours?”

  He shrugged. “I’ll leave that up to you. If you want him to know about his real father, then you have the right to tell him. If you want him to think I’m his father, that’s fine too. Either way, I’ll be his father.”

  She nodded, not sure how she’d handle things, but glad he had the attitude he did. She wanted the baby to think of him as a father, but she didn’t know if she wanted to have Charlie’s baby not know all about him. She’d have to think about it.

  When they finally went upstairs for the night, Thomas hesitated before undressing. “Are you sure this isn’t going to hurt you or the baby?”

  She sighed. “I’m sure. Victoria told me it was fine. You were the one who said she was a good midwife. Do you want me to see someone else?” Why was he trying to avoid having relations with her?

  Thomas looked at her for a moment. “I think I do. There’s a doctor in Lindsborg. I’ll take you there Monday, and we’ll see what he says.”

  She stared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious? I thought you said you trusted Victoria!”

  “I do. I just don’t want to risk you.”

  Esther turned her back to him and turned down the wick on the lantern to shut it off. She was too scared to speak. Was he no longer interested in having sex with her? She pulled her nightgown over her head and crawled between the covers. She couldn’t change his mind, obviously, so she stopped trying. She rolled to her side with her back to him, and fell asleep, not bothering to kiss him goodnight.

  Thomas stared at his wife in the dark. Why was she so angry with him? He sighed. Hopefully the doctor would say everything was fine on Monday.

  Chapter Six

  Esther stood wringing her hands the following morning as they waited for the other families in the area to show up for church services. She’d never hosted anything like this before, having always attended an established church when she lived in Beckham. It was fifteen minutes before services started, and everythin
g was as clean as she could possibly make it. She’d done the breakfast dishes and her hair was in a tight bun atop her head.

  When she heard the first wagon pull into the yard she rushed out to stand on the porch and greet whomever had arrived first. She was relieved to see it was Victoria and her family. At least she knew two of the people getting out of the wagon and walking toward her house. She introduced herself to Thomas’s brother and smiled at Victoria and MaryAnn. “Will you make sure I have everything set up right?” she asked Victoria.

  “Of course. Did Thomas tell you every family brings their own chairs? No one has enough for all of us. Thomas is the only one in the area without children, so we have a group of about twenty meeting here.”

  Thomas and Samuel were unloading chairs from the back of their wagon and carrying them into the house. “I made chicken and dumplings and a cake for lunch. Will that be okay?”

  Victoria nodded. “That’s perfect. We don’t usually have desserts, so I’m sure the children will swarm around you.”

  Esther immediately worried she hadn’t made enough cake. She’d made one large enough for a big group, but twenty people? She’d never cooked for that many at once. “I hope I made enough.”

  Victoria shrugged. “Everyone can have smaller pieces if you didn’t. Most likely the adults will forgo dessert to let the children have a bigger share. It doesn’t matter.”

  “I just want everything to be perfect.”

  Victoria smiled at Esther. “You need to learn that living on the prairie like this means that nothing is ever perfect. We’re too far from the nearest mercantile to run out for the last minute things we’ve forgotten. There are too many bugs for everything to be spotless. Just relax. Everyone is going to love you.”

  Esther nodded, not believing a word her new sister-in-law was telling her. How could she relax? She had a large group of people she’d never met arriving at her home any minute, and she could see a lot of new marks on the windows where the bugs had flown into them.